14.11.07

Nuke This

Is it just me, or is it so transparently hypocritical of the Left to volte face on the nuclear power issue mere days after CPI(M) cadres ran amok in Nandigram?

Are we as a nation truly so obsessed with the conspicuous consumerism bestowed upon us by this tottery economic boom, that we comfortably ignore the actions being taken on behalf of us all?

Will the state of the pitch, tomorrow, once again displace the state of the nation in our newspapers?

Is nuclear power suddenly acceptable again, because a few months ago The Economist ran a biased cover story?

Is it just me, or has renewable energy been erased from our lexicons, to make way for the market returns of Reliance Energy?

If this is truly how things are, then here's how I see the future panning out:

Sooner or later, the Chinese will conquer their accents.
Sooner or later, Africa will find peace.

And we'll be faced with two huge demographies, comfortable with the English language, offering better priced slave labour. And infinitely more real estate.

Then, goodbye IT sector.
Farewell, BPO sector.
Adios, BT sector.

And we'll be left with a bunch of nuclear plants we can't pay for, a vast pool of 20-somethings who are un-trained for anything beyond "Hi, How ya doon?", and an economy with a rather large vacuum.

None of which will really worry us, because we'll all be sitting on large heaps of irradiated waste, wondering what to do with our 7-thumbed kids.

If this comes true, remember, you heard it here first.
(Assuming, that is, your ears haven't dribbled off the side of your head.)

13.11.07

Here's why I'm no good at meetings...

I've always had a problem staying focussed during meetings. The mind, tends to wander. And then find bizzare things to laugh about. Then, of cuorse, there are meetings like the one I had earlier today. Meetings, where the folks on the other side of the desk lead my mind down the expressway to hilarity.

A bit of background... This was the first time I was meeting this young woman, at this particular client. We had exchanged a few phone calls, which accomplished precisely nothing. So, in the hope of finally getting some productive work done, we scheduled a meeting. This, is what what happened...

*Disclaimer: This is a true story. No clients were harmed during the course of this meeting.

(Within the first few seconds, after the obligatory Meet-Greet-Grin-Shake bit...)

Young Woman: "I really like your pants."
Self: (nonplussed) "Thanks."
Byker's Mind: "Okay. But there's no way I'm taking them off."

Blah. Blah.
Blah. Blah.

Young Woman: "So, where are you from?"
Self: "Bangalore."
YW: "No I mean your home town."
S: "Well, I was born in Bombay."
YW: (Vaguely discontent) "Oh. I thought you might be from somewhere abroad. The way you look."
S: "The way I look...?"
YW: "Yeah. You look like Jesus."
S: (Sickly grin) "Hah-fullstop-hah."
Byker's Mind: "And you act like Mary Magdalene."

Blah. Blah.
Blah. Blah.

YW: "So please do something creative. Ok? I don't know how you guys do it."
S: "We just try not be boring."
YW: "Well I'm more into writing for theatre, you know. It's my calling."
Byker's Mind: "Exit, stage left. Pursued by bear."

Blah. Blah.
Blah. Blah.

YW: "So, I could take you upstairs for lunch..."
Byker's Mind: "Note to self: Garlic. Always carry garlic."
YW: "...or do you have something better in mind?"
Byker's Mind: "Run Forrest Run."

Quick thinking, by our man on the spot.
Goodbye. So long. Farewell. Adios.
Start bike.
Scoot.
Laughing.
But only on the inside.

Pass a poster for 'Sree Raajeshwari' theatre.
They're now showing Dhoodh Waali.
And the baseline goes:
"Desire with young womens."

Forced to pull over. Paroxysm of laughter.
2 minutes, before I wipe my eyes and ride on.

Brilliant