27.4.09

Be Prepared

The biggest problem with trying to get authorised service personnel to actually arrive at your door step, are the idiots in the call centre masquerading as customer care executives (or whatever the nomenclature is these days). After years of trial and tribulation, I've finally figured out an effective way to deal with these morons, and actually get things done: 

Step 1
Call in and log your complaint/request, politely. Make sure to write down the reference number assigned to your call. 

Step 2
Irrespective of whether you've been promised problem resolution in 4 hours, 24 hours, or 48 hours, call back precisely 5 minutes (or one beer) later, demanding resolution. Be firm, but polite.

Step 3
Repeat step 2, after 5 more minutes (or another beer) interval. Vary only in going from firm, to authoritative

Step 4
Repeat. (Cheers!) This time, loudly.

Step 5.
Repeat. Chug. Exercise your four, ten and 15 letter vocabulary.

Step 6
60 seconds later, call again. Increase volume. Demand technician's number. You will receive his boss's number.

Step 7
Call technician's boss. Humbly request his invaluable assistance, while roundly abusing those idiots at the call centre. Say thank you, when he gives you the technician's number.

Step 8
Call technician. Drop his boss's name. Explain your problem patiently, in detail. Fix a time for him to arrive. Take half a day off (account for 2 hours on either side of the appointment) and cool your heels. Grab a beer. Grab six. Put on some Stevie Ray Vaughn (or music of your choice). Ensure you're nice and mellow. When technician arrives, greet him with a smile, a handshake, and mild complaint about customer care call centre jerks. 

Step 9
Imitate a good nurse - be polite, attentive, but stay out of his way. Occupying yourself with a beer, is recommended.

Step 10
Bakhsish. Offer technician a beer too.

Step 11 (Optional)
Call and inform spouse (at spouse's office) that work has been done. The thingamajig or whatchamacallit has been fixed/replaced/beaten/threatened/cajoled into performing, again. This may irritate spouse, but you can claim the moral high ground, for having had to deal with all this inconvenience, so you're safe. Grab another beer. Put on some JJ Cale (or music of your choice).