There's Nothing To Do In Sweden

So the Swedes fuck, or kill.

It's a conclusion I've arrived at after much research and painstaking investigation. In other words, I finally read the much-touted "Millenium" series. 

What a crock of shit. 

The Girl Who Kicks Suspension Of Disbelief In The Nuts. In other words, the female protagonist, Lizzy What'sherface. Not only is she a Good-Will-Hunting level genius, she's also an awesome hacker. (With that one, single, solitary programme that let's her rip off hard disk after hard disk.) Plus she's the daughter of some sort of ex-Soviet super assassin. Plus she's at the heart of of some hard core state-sponsored conspiracy. Plus she has tattoos and piercings. Plus she's a billionaire. I mean... really?

The Guy Who Fucks Everything That Moves. A patently irresistible, crusading financial journalist. Fucks his editor. Fucks his researcher. Fucks his clients. Fucks lady cops. This guy is the Swedish Human Dildo - comes with a free side of Swedish Meatballs.

The Douchebag Husband. A guy who is so Euro-cool, all his wife has to do is call him and tell him she's spending the night with The Swedish Human Dildo, and he hikes himself off to the nearest singles bar, to pick up a bloke.

The Girl Who Can Kiss My Hairy Brown Ass. That's what the fourth installment ought to be called. Although, thankfully, there won't be one, because apparently the sheer effort of pounding out paragraph after paragraph of unadulterated crap proved too much for the author, and he has departed this veil of suckers for that big second-hand bookshop in the sky.  

In other news, Area Man to donate three practically new books to local library.


M said...

incredible - first time I check your blog in ages and I see you slagging off some pretty decent page-turning hard core pulp fiction. You lot in the intellectual badra-lok should not read stuff thats produced for the working proletariat masses like us.

:P Lisbeth Salander kicks ass. Besides, whats not to like about what the Sweded do? ;)

M said...

*Swedes. (Though, I guess it could be verb come to think about it)

byker7 said...

1.) Fair enough. I would, however, like to point out that slagging, much like writing, is highly subjective.

Just look at Hank Moody. Slags everything outside the 5 Boroughs, and leaves a trail of dirty sheets all across Souther California.

2.) Isn't "intellectual badra-lok" redundant? (BTW, I qualify for neither. not bong. and listen to too much of the Stones to qualify for the other.)

3.) It's the first time I've written here in ages as well :)

M said...

you say "redundant", I say "reiterate". ;) Welcome back! Write more, we'll check more.

(by the way - the Stones is another dead giveaway, you're now Old AND Bhadralok. We kids be down with lady gaga, chipmunk and their other furry friends).

byker7 said...

Old, yes. But since I can't stand the Beatles, by definition I can't be intellectual - Douglas Adams said so.

(P.S. No gaga on my playlist, but I think Adele has one hell of a voice. Now if only someone would give her decent lyrics.)

Anita said...

lol. Can see the millenium series has finally found a non-fan